ThoughtStorms Wiki

"Involuntary celibate"

Could be a legitimate issue, but has been taken over by misogyny and anti-feminism.

Possibly another example of PalimpsestHateHypothesis

Quora Answer : Do feminists consider a guy to be sexist if he is involuntarily celibate into his late 20s?

Oct 11, 2017

(Note, this was written before I was fully aware of "incel culture" which has become extremely misogynistic. I think the principle behind what I wrote here is still sound, but it shouldn't be read as defence of the incel culture that's emerged online in recent years.)

Reading Quora, you might well come to that conclusion, unfortunately.

I'm an unashamed feminist. I certainly don't think that men have any entitlement to sex if no-one wants to sleep with them.

Nevertheless, there are prominent Quorans, who are usually pretty sound on most things, and who I certainly agree with on most of their feminist answers, but who do seem very quick to jump to a conclusion that lack of progress in your love life is tantamount to sexism.

I'm sure they would never tell someone "Stop whining about being poor. If you don't have money it's your fault for not being clever or hard-working enough"

But they seem quite happy to dismissively write the equivalent "Stop whining about not having a girlfriend. It's your fault for not being interesting and self-confident enough".

In the case of poverty, I'm sure they'd understand that "clever" and "hard-working" are themselves the result of a whole matrix of factors. And that not everyone trying to make their way in the world can simply switch them on at will. Even if they ultimately believe that a person has to contribute to their own welfare, they'd have empathy that these skills are often outside our immediate control and that we need help from others to develop them.

I honestly don't understand why the feminist attitude to young men who are struggling with their social, romantic and sexual lives should be any less subtle or understanding.

Actually, I think feminism ought to be the first to recognise that the enculturation of men, the expectations they're given and the lack of support to develop the skills of being interesting and self-confident is problematic. And that rough and unsympathetic dismissal of people's real problems isn't going to help anyone.